New Teeth

Back from the dentist. My implant is in and feels ok, though perhaps its a tiny bit high so might need leveling on the next visit. At the moment I'm just getting used to biting down and I have to wait till my jaw muscles settle into a new pattern. It was screwed in pretty tight, then the screwhole plugged up with filler, it looks totally natural.

But more impressive, the prothesis on my right side is also in place and I have teeth again. A fact my tongue seems a bit put out about after having all that space to itself again.

It feels extremly odd, I have to say. The 1st thing I did when I got out of the dentist office was pop over to the hospital canteen to try some food. I only risked a sausage roll (This is Holland, there wasn't much more choice) but yeah, it was ok, I could chew on both sides, no discomfort, though as I said it does feel a bit odd. I wonder how it will cope with a nice steak!!

One thing though my tongue can't get up and over the prosthesis to clean the cheek pouch when and after eating, my tongue is weak/numb on that side so it seems to have problems. So I need to either practice that so my tongue regains that function, or make a point of cleaning after eating pretty much anything.

The thing is locked onto my remaining right and rear left side teeth with a bar under my front teeth. It all feels quite strange, and it also has front steel/tungsten/shiny whatever metal, at the front, so I have a distinct Jaw's from Bond look on that side..But since I can't smile on my bottom right that will never be seen.

I have never had dentures, so I am wonderng if this is how people feel when they have them fitted, like they have a gum shield in place.

Talking is very slightly altered too, I think its the toungue being pushed back into its normal place again and the area the tip of my tongue being slightly different,gives me a very slight lisp again...should sort itself out.


I'll post pics soon.

A bit of creative writing

Every morning, I wake up...I yawn, it hurts. I have not had a proper full blown jaw cracking yawn for nearly 18months. I miss that, it might happen in time, I hope so even though I suspect it'll bloody hurt.

My saliva glands don't operate at full capacity any more, so I always wake up with my mouth bone dry, sometimes my tongue and lips are cracked, that hurts. I focus on getting the juices flowing to get my mouth wet and working again.

I check to see if I bit my tongue in my sleep because I won't have felt it, if so, I might be lisping and spitting at people today...last week or so has been pretty clear, no one got wet.

I feel for the scars on my neck which have swollen and stiffened while I was asleep, and have stuck to the muscle/fatty tissue I have left on my neck, the skin needs to be moved around a bit to free up my neck.

I try to painfully massage the swelling down to loosen my jaw, and get freaked out by the fact rubbing my neck makes my earlobe tickle, no really rubbing my neck makes my earlobe tickle. I can't feel my earlobe any other way.

I rub my chin, to feel the bald patches where my beard used to be, The radiation treatments they used to finish off my cancer cost me a much loved furry facial pet. Only one 1 side though, so I now have to shave every day..I hate shaving...thats why I had a beard. Now I have no choice..a half bearded fat bloke would scare the kiddies.

I do this routine every morning, as I wake up, a constant reminder of what Cancer took from me and gave me in return. As I do this, I realise once again the 50-50 chance I have of making it through the next 4 years till my all clear, is still in my favour.....yeah for statistics. Thats a good day, I savour those days.


On my dark days, and there are a few, those odds worry me. Sometimes the worry overwhelms me, and my mood crashes like a stone and I want to change everything or run away or ignore it or just sulk and let the pain win and give up, hurting others as I wallow in my own self pity.
Fortunately...they have drugs for that!!! yeahhh for drugs.
Time works too, with help.
But yeahhhh for life. 1 year down, 4 to go, then an all clear...maybe, I don't really keep count.

Its good to be alive, even with the odd hassle, the pain is pathetically minor compared to what so many other suffer, to what others have lost. I have no cause for complaints..When people ask me, "Hows life..", I say. "Better than the alternative". They think I'm joking. I'm not. But I smile...a crooked smile, at the fact they chuckle, a crooked smile is every bit as effective as the smile I used to have

I am alive...or at least I will be when I get some coffee!!

I owe all this to a surgeons skill and the care and attention of many dedicated medical people. Not a bloody guilt trip Facebook status update put up for an hour.

Cutting and pasting what your mate put up becuase his mate put it up becuase her mate put it up, and you don't want to be seen to be uncaring as the post suggests.

A cut and post job, won't change a thing. I don't care if you know who your real friends are, I don't care if you know the ones who will post it..I don't care if you have people you know affected by it, don't post it because someone else did, I won't. I'll post messages to remember people, I'll post messages to encourage people I'll post messages to warn people, but I won't post your chain messages.

I don't need to to paste text to let people know that cancer exists, my friends see it in my smile, my family see it in my eyes on my bad days, I see it when I have to bloody shave half a beard and I feel it when I want to finish a yawn.

Please....stop doing it!!! Send 1 hours wages to cancer research...it'll actually be a good use of your hour

Ermmm you can re-post this if you like!!! no guilt, but I know the people who will ;)

Cancelled

My dentist appointment got cancelled last week, my non english speaking angry dental assistant called me to let me know the appointment was cancelled.I understood Geen Afsprek Donderdag (no appointment on Thursday) but the rest left me mystified, going to have to pop in and see when the next appointment is.

Cavities....

I didn't realise dentists give you cavities as well as fill them :)

I have had a couple of holes drilled into my teeth to hold my new plate, odd sensation having a drill working without anisthetic!

There was also some more imprints taken using much stronger rubber based compounds that were a nightmare pull out.

Annoyingly I got a telling off for not brushing teeth well enough...twice a day and after sticky meals....grrr what more can do?

Next week, I think I get my implant crownso that'll be an interesting day.

still in pain

Started my dental stuff with a fairly standard impression being taken, nothing to write home about on that. I have 6 or 7 more appointments over the next 2 months to make a plate to sit where my jaw used to be, and to provide a crown for the implant stud.

I'm still in pain thougha couple of "big yawns" caused some tearing in my jaw muscles and depending on how many follow up yawns occur, my jaw can be quite sore. At the moment it does ache a bit and its meant I am back to a 2 finger insert...but it should clear up.

I'll update you as and when anything ineresting happens.

Pain....

Well I think I finally managed that full yawn a couple of times this week. But in the process I have hurt myself so not sure if I quite got the the crack point before it hurt
The muscles at the back of my jaw are now quite tender and a bit stiff, also inside my mouth there is a lot of tenderness and some pain, if I am eating/sneezing or otherwise causing my cheeks to puff...It may be a sign of something worrying but I think its just the muscles reacting to their 1st full stretch in over a year.

I also have noticed a bit more sideways movement of my jaw while mouth is open wide, though not without some discomfort at the extremes, but again...its been a while and those muscles and tendons need a bit of easing in.

I have an appointment next week with the dental staff so will get them to have a proper look when I am staring up their noses, just to make sure.

In the meantime I have a cold and am again finding the numbness at the back of my throat to be a problem as snot drains away at the back but I don't always get the message to swallow..cue occasional coughing fits as I breath rather than swallow.

I have decided not to continue with my physio, mainly becuase of the disruption it causes trying to juggle appointments and work. Also I think we ran out of major benefits some time back. Its pleasent enough and after a few weeks there is a buildup of stiffness but I want to try to sort that myself. I bought a small non sexual vibrator, designed to ease away worry and laughter lines according to the bumph..I'm using that to stimulate the swollen and tight scar areas of my surgical site.

Anyway...better try and get some sleep, colds and coughing fits don't make for easy sleeping but I am now quite tired.

Implants ahoy!

A month since my last post, shows how little has been happening I guess. My dry mouth in the mornings thing, has not really gone away, and the physio has been on her hols so I've not been subjected to any sadistic face massages for while.

But I did have a procedure yesterday to put an implant in my upper right side to replace a tooth I lost a few years ago due to a dentist mistake, once in place this will aid chewing on my good side.

Implant procedure was strange...a small surgical procedure carried out under a local, but I was all covered up, and had my eyes shieleded under surgical wraps so I could not really see what was going on. No pain at all in the area, though there was a definite thump from something at the back of my throat, I suspect something slipped and fell into my mouth which caused a shock reaction but no one explained what had happened.

Rather a rough tough process too, more like being in a mechanics workship than a dental surgery, lots of cranking of small mouth pinned tools some banging, lots of shoving and worst of all drilling.

Now when I say drilling I don't mean whimpy little bzzzzz bzzz dentist drills, nope, nosirreebob, I mean really bone boring BRRRR BRRRR heavy drills that go up through the jaw area. Several times until the correct size of hole was made.

I was then asked to blow down my nose while it was pinched by the surgeon and amazingly I was breathing through the hole...so I assume the hole goes up into my sinus area...I have no idea if its supposed to or not, but it was a very odd sensation blowing air out of my tooth gap.
Then the rod goes in, more cranking and twisting and shoving, after which a couple of stiches to close up the gum.

Totally painless, aside from the unexplained impact in my throat.
I now have a small metal rod in my jaw which will poke out a little once the swelling goes down. Then in 6 weeks I get a crown fitted to that and I have a new toth.

Once the local wore off it was a little painful, fortunately I was having drinks with my mate Martin then Bina joined me for a meal in town and I happily stayed tipsy the rest of the day, with help from some mild painkillers, I felt nothing.
I had some morphine left from the RT and was ready to use that if needed but it was fine.

Today, the day after my mouth is a bit tender and I need to be careful eating but its not too bad...more alcohol :D

I also had to go see the hospital dentist to book appoinments for the crown, and got a very stern telling off, in Dutch from the receptionist...quite bizzare really, last week I got a phone call from the hospital telling me I had missed an appoinment, and gave me another time (today actually) to come in. But it turned out due to language issues, they were telling me to come in right away and then ....something, something. My dutch is still quite poor.

With help from someone who could translate it seems I had a series of appoinments lined up to sort out the plate on my bad side...trouble is I never actually received notice of these appointments so of course missed the 1st and possibly second one, hence the irate call, and the even more irate receptionist.

I tried to explain that I had not been given notice of these appointments, much buck passing then took place about it and it became apparent they were not willing to accept I had not recieved the appointments.
I gave up...until the dentist himself came out and tried to give me a telling off for missing appointments and wasting his time...That was the last straw, I forcefully...well with numb lips, as forcefully as I could, told him I never got the appointments, so can't be held responsible for missing them...only to again hear the receptionist get annoyed because they had called me to remind me....cross puposes again..

The basic issue is that I never got the appoinment card, so ......everything after was basic miscommunication, and indeed I have no appointment today after all so I have no idea what the hell was going on.

Anyway, I now have 6 fresh new appoinments, on a card...which I will happily keep.
Lets just hope thats the end of that particularl hassle and the dentist does not take it out on me by forgetting to give me a full dose of local when he's messing about with my teeth.