Back to the Pain

After a weeks rest while I was in the UK, I had another visit to the physio today.

Ouch.


I think that covers it.

But improvements in the swelling continue, and my jaw line is becoming more recognisable.
For a short period last week I even became aware of my teeth...I know that sounds off, but I can't feel the few teeth left on my right lower jaw so suddenly feeling them and being able to sense my lip was an odd but promising sensation. It went away soon after though and has not come back since but I suspect this means some nerves started working again and hopefully this bodes well.

Some Self image issues

One thing that I have not considered these last few months, is the way people view me, I know from looking at my handsome face in the shaving mirror that a few things are out of place and not quite as they were. But its not worried me much, Bina hasn't cowered in fear in a corner when I look at her so it can't be that bad.

But something happened today that, shook me, and has continued to nag at me since. I teach programming here in Holland, most of the time to programming students, but I am doing a block where I am teaching artists some coding basics....

Artists being artists they tend to doodle, so when one of my students came up to me after a lecture to tell me she'd drawn me I was curious to see.

It was a nice sketch, very recognisable, right down to the lop sided grin and lumpy jaw and asymetrical face....Kind of a good looking Quasimodo.

Like I say a nice sketch, honest and accurate but...is that how I look, is that what people see? Not how I thought I looked, I never really considered that I might have a facial disfigurement, however mild, and the nature of a sketch is to highlight features, but it wasn't a caracature, its how I am now! Well it has thrown me, quite a curve.

I need to have a long think about how I feel about this, I've never ever been a vain person, but to realise my features have changed so much is a bit of a shocker and something I need to come to terms with somehow...

Something to ponder on indeed.

No one is alone

Nate posted some kind words on here, and I want to return the compliment, he has a video blog on YouTube.

He's putting up a good fight and deserves all the good karma we can send his way, thanks to OCF and other internet bloggers he's not going into this blind and ignorant, he knows its going to be hard and he'll come out of it feeling like shit. But he's ready for whats going to happen and he will come out of it




one thing I will say Nate..turn the music down mate, I wanna hear you ;)

now very sore

As the swelling under my chin and on my jaw is being reduced, whats being left has been revealed to be quite tender. The last couple of days I have had a measurable increase in pain levels on my face, some internal swelling and my tongue also feels a bit bruised at the back. Scar tissue is aching, perhaps because of the bio oil I have started to use on it to help with suppleness.

Yesterdays session was a little shorter as I was late, and she didn't get into it with as much gusto as before so overall not bad.

Today my neck feels tight around the scar and I have to keep streatching it, and my face is sore....

oh well...

whimper

ok, I am a man, a big strong man, and my physio is a small older lady......and she nearly made me cry today...ouch...just ouch, that was bloody painful...But yes, it is effective the swelling is reducing after each visit and my "double chin" is more fatty and soft than hard swelling again, as it should be.

I am however wearing a rather large elastoplast finger thing on my neck today to keep my skin stretched and supple...its not as discrete as the small strips and people are looking at me very concerend that I may have had more surgery or something...ah well...lets see how it goes.

I'm sure she has shares in some cosmetic company too, as she is still wanting me to use some moisturising products for my "dry" skin...hmmm we'll we'll see. Next visit on Friday...maybe I'll get drunk before I go to ease the pain 1st?

aaahhhhhhhggghhh

Straight into the pain today, jaw is still tingling and sticky strips firmly attached to the neck are itchy. There is a distinct improvement though, the "lump" under my chin is now considerably reduced and I can almost feel my neck glands again when I squeeze...so unpleasent as it is..(its not intolorable but no one likes being hurt) it is having a positive effect..

Not having any impact on feeling in my lip or teeth though, and indeed I have noticed my tongue becoming more numb as the sessions have progressed, so much so that I am having a little more trouble controling my "lisp" which is noticible to me but others say I am fine..Perhaps its more the effort involved in trying to say particular words with forces my tongue and mouth to work harder which makes me aware of the odd sensation of saying particular words. We'll have to see, people are not asking me to repeat things (at least no more than my scottish accent normally causes confusion) so I guess I am still coherent most of the time ;)

physio and sticky plasters

I missed Fridays appointment, overslept, but re-booked for today. My face has been feeling qutie tight and stiff as a result of the massage, my physio says she feels nothing bad so its just the fluid shifting around the face thats doing that...oh well, more pummeling to move it away from my face is required.

As always the neck and shoulder part to stimulate the working lymph nodes is all
quite nice and relaxing then we get to the sore bit....ah well..ouch.

I also asked about the funny sticky plasters she gave me last time which I tried to apply myself but didn't quite see the point and she applied a couple to show me, they are bascially to try to keep the scar tissue stretched and supple, since that is causing a few issues. I've not got round to buying any products yet to help with that, I'll look into it.

The growing gums around my wisdom tooth is getting all ikky, its hard to clean around the floppy nodules that are growing down around the tooth. I was expecting to hear about an extraction date but nothing so far...maybe it went to the old address...might we wise to chase up.

Physio 6

After the short vacation its back to the kneading and pummeling...quite painful today it has to be said but certainly shrinkage of the swelling is noticable.

I've been given some sticky tape plaster things to help stretch the scar, but tbh I dunno how to use them, so will have to ask her to demonstrate on Friday.

I need to use "products" on my skin and on the scar to soften it all up a bit...off to the beauty parlour then!!