Friday, 28 January 2011

Get Ready for new teeth

Had my follow up appointment with Drs van Gemert and Dr Mel, the dentist. They're going to try and use a simple false plate to start with, on the toothless side, since there's not a lot of bone available to fix anything long term.

If that doesn't work then they will do something a bit more drastic, which hmmm, I'm not sure about! Hyperbaric treatments and bone implants then teeth implants...All sounds a bit extreme and a bit of a long haul painful slog. We'll see how we get on with the prothesis 1st which while not giving me complete chewing freedom will help I am may work or it may not. I will give it a try. Dr Mel should start fitting me for it in April.

Also he's going to apply to the insurance to have an implant on my upper good side, to replace the missing tooth. The argument being that as that is my dominant side I want reduce any restrictions I have with chewing, crusty/sharp food for example is a bit of a no-no at the moment.
If the insurance don't go for it though I will pay for it myself, since I can see a major benefit with that, and tbh I had always planned on having that missing tooth replaced after my previous dentist broke it, splitting it in 2, resulting in its removal. We'll see what the insurance has to say.

Learned a new fact today...teeth which do not have opposites to bite down on, tend to grow down to fill the space...never knew that!! Its something to be aware of apparently.

Oh and finally he wants me to carry on with the physio, even if the benefits now are small it will help avoid problems with oedema build up so...might be something we have to keep up for some time.

Thursday, 27 January 2011

Penultimate Physio?

Subject to Drs van Gemerts opinion, todays will probably be the penultimate physio session. I have an appointment with him tomorrow and he agrees that we're getting no more benefit then we'll have 1 last session next week and thats that...

Today's wasn't so bad actually, little harsh around the scar on my neck but fairly relaxing as I took some pre-emptive painkillers to take the edge off things.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

feeling more normal

The 5 day or so bender on tranqs may very well have been a bit of a downer, but in actual fact I have come out of it feeling a lot better. The incident that upset me no longer preys on my mind as much, even though I still feel hurt by it, I'm not reliving it over and over in my head any more and screaming in my head about how hurt I am.

I've caught up with my admin work and can now look forward to dealing with some intense marking followed by a relatively long period of not much to do where I can indulge my own interests at work to develop a new course.

So..back on track I think. Prozac doing its thing and starting to lift the mood a bit. Councilling to start soon and see how that goes.

I found some useful information on post cancer related issues...makes interesting and very recognisable reading...which helps me realise this is just another part of the disease that needs to be dealt with so life can return to normal.

Saturday, 22 January 2011

no thats enough

The tranqs are leaving me totally wasted, I am literally a zombie, walking around like the living dead or sleeping...nope..not good.

Not taking any more, we'll have to deal with any anxiety issues in some other way.

Thursday, 20 January 2011

eek telling total strangers why I am sad.

I have had something of a setback in my depression, I got very upset at the weekend and am totally unable to shake feelings of betrayal and intrusion that resulted, which are making me incredibly stressed, sad and generally feeling very dark, listless and uncommunicative.

Logically I know there's no real harm done and people had my interests at heart but but the mind is not happy and its making its point. I genuinely feel shocking and unable to focus on much more than my guitar playing...though I am focing myself to get my work admin done so I can relax when its complete.

Doc wants me to take the tranqs more to settle down my highly increased feelings of anxiety and stress and to generally calm down. I'm keeping more to myself as I know I am grumpy and emotionally unstable and Bina is pissed with me which I can't really cope with.
And the clincher...gotta go see a psycologist, the doc is going to set it up. I've had counselling in the past for depression, though that was more life/situation based so we'll have to see how this works for situations where there is a tangible physical reason for the emotional turmoil that follows.

Still though, its apparently a quite normal if not 100% common, post treatment kind of issue from major surgery and cancer treatment...but damn, it feels a bit like I'm on a loony wagon and can't jump off.

And no booze while I'm on the pills...being depressed really really sucks!! The only time I feel totally normal is when I am in social situcations and the pills stop that.

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

hmmm pain and sorrow.

yup, quite sharp and strong..ish pain today after the session. Feels like someone hammered a nail into my jaw..not happy.

We're going to do a couple more and ask Drs van Gemert if he thinks we should continue. Its had a benefit for sure, swelling has been reduced and my face is much more "normal" but I think we've reached the end of any tangible benefits and its now just a weekly S&M session which I'm not really enjoying that much.

I have been noticing a slight increase in mouth opening though, yawns are getting a little bit wider, though I still can't crack my jaw open yet it feels close. Not without some discomfort though, but who knows, maybe the yawns are doing more to open my mouth than the finger thumb stretch excercises.

Depression is quite severe again after a bit of a lift. I had a really horrible horrible weekend alone and felt very very stressed and paraniod over my sense of self being taken away...sounds daft, but things that were important to me were "harmed" and I have trouble dealing with it. I'm climbing the walls a little.

I had to pop several tranq's to calm myself down and spent a lot of time sleeping. Getting back to work today has helped a little, being busy takes my mind off things, but I am not being very effective unless I am dealing with students, my admin is going to pot though and thats snowballing some stress that I need to deal with...glad that I have a very easy few months coming up at work.

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

I can feel my chin!!

well the left side of it...todays rather deep physio massage seems to have eased the swelling around my chin quite a bit so I can actually feel my chin again.

nice...though it did hurt of course.

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Happy New Year

And after a nice break, we're off again, Physio today, not as bad as usual, I think quite a bit of healing got done over the break, so it was not so painful.

Quite looking forward to the end of it though, its getting to be a bit of a chore.

Depression seems to be stablising...things don't "feel" quite so bleak, and I am starting to get some motivation back to do things, been doing some chores that needed doing. Anxiety and stress levels have reduced considerably, and I'm, not quite so quick to stress out..still there though, and once or twice have resorted to the tranqs to ease some fears...not that they seem to do a huge amount.

I have enjoyed the break from work, I think that more than anything has been the most benefit, just chillin' is quite helpful.

Another visit to the Docs tomorrow to repeat the script and wait a couple more weeks for the pills to really kick in.