He's ok

Heard from Nate
He's pretty beat up and in the post treatment stage of recovering....but he's ok.

I am really pleased to hear it since it sounds like he really went through the mill and has had the worst of all the side effects listed. It really shows how cancer treatment is different for everyone, I think I got off really light with my treatmet.

There's not a lot happening at the moment with me, and no appointments due till after new year, so I will take this chance now to wish everyone a Happy New Year and many of them.

Nate?

Not heard from Nate for a while, left messages on his You tube, but no response. If you're still reading this, I expect your feeling pretty low after the rads and chemo, but let me know how your doing?

Tingles

After a week off for various could not make it reasons, had a physio appt today.

Ouch.

That much is to be expected of course, face is tingling like mad at the moment. I asked if there was likely to be much more improvement in the swelling, since it seems to me after the intial gains we don't seem to have much more to show apart from a sore tingly face after the sessions.
Also when I don't go to physio for a week or so, it "swells" up a bit more, I'd hate to have to keep going just to knock the swelling back to semi-normal levels.

We're going to keep going till the end of Jan, if no more improvements then we'll let nature take its course and see what happens.

It has been helpful, thats for sure but I am starting to feel its reached its limits..so roll on end of Jan.

yup Depression

Doctor agrees with me (good of him I thought), I'm in the middle of a depression. He reckons all things considered its perfectly normal after such a major life changing event.

Personally I dunno, I realy don't, I'm quite certain it contributes to it, but since I've had depression a couple of times in the past it may just be something I have to deal with every couple of years or so...or when a major life changing event kicks me in the mouth..literally.

I'm on Prozac and weekly visits, to be followed up with councilling once the meds start to have an impact and I'm feeling better.

Depression

Ok, I'm quite sure now, I have depression. I had a bad case of this a few years ago which prompted my first comments into the blogosphere and its pretty much the same feelings as before.

Cancer related? I dunno, probably, in residual cause kinda way probably. I really can't say, whatever the reason I feel I'm on a somewhat hopeless path, with poor emotional control, insomnia, hyper attentivness, anxiety attacks, lethargy, despair, desire for isolation, over sensitivity to things, and so on.

Its affecting me quite strongly now and so I've managed to snap myself into taking some action and will be seeing my doctor tomorrow to discuss.
Last time a course of happy pills and councilling did the trick, hopefully something similar will happen this time.

Stiff face

I'm tired and quite run down at the moment, really looking forward to the upcoming Christmas break and some sleep catchup.

The pills I've been given to help me sleep are actually good old fashioned tranquilizers, Oxazepam, though they are used for insomnia, I hate the idea of taking tranq's.
All the same, I've had a couple of them now, and I suppose they do their thing. I went to bed at 8.30 last night feeling incredibly drained and tired after a crappy day, so the pills probably were not needed but they let me sleep 12 hours solid.

Long sleeps do have one drawback though, I wake up with my face feeling very stiff and sore, jaw becomes hard to open and of course it aches....thinking about it, it always aches, I've just stopped noticing it as much as I get used to it. Every day I wake up and the 1st thing I am aware of is a sore stiff face..sometimes it loosens up and other days it doesn't. Every damn day!

Today it hasn't, its still stiff and sore, and wearing me down. I'm really quite fed up with it, I want it to go away.

Feeling very down today, rowing with Bina, pissed off, in pain, and all the other crap...I don't know how much of this is related to the cancer, if at all...but I just feel very very down.

oh...that makes a change

Todays Physio was quite nice, more of a gentle head and shoulders massage...a bit of pain thrown in of course, but very relaxing.

I also have noticed something, I am yawning more, and perhaps getting a wee tiny bit wider towards an actual yawn...who knows!!


B

Sore face, but smiling

Face has been very sore and a bit swollen for a couple of days, not sure what the cause is exactly, but it does hurt...physio tomorrow, might help or make it worse.

Went to the hospital today for my ultra sound scan to check on things and guess what...I was a week early....doh!
But you gotta love the Dutch medical system, the guy on the desk made a phone call and boom, I was in. Amazing..you can't imagine that in the UK can you?

Good news from the scan is everything is fine, no oversized lymph nodes either side of my neck, so all seems good. Phewwww...that is a major relief I do feel a lot happier now. Actually knowing there's nothing growing hidden away makes me feel so much better.

Picked up my sleepy sleep night time snoozy snooze pills so will make an effort to get to bed and try to get my sleep pattern sorted.

check up time.

Had my followup with Drs van Gemert...not much to say really, a poke around, a feel and a nosey with the mirrors. No signs of anything coming back which is good of course.

But I did take the chance to voice my other concerns..Will my mouth opening get any better? No not really. Hmm, my double whopper with cheese and bacon days may be over after all.

Is the feeling going to come back...maybe.

Is it gone?

That of course is the big question, and there's really no way to be 100% sure, its a thought that troubles me a lot at times, and is probably part of the reason for my insomia issues, which he gave me some tablets for.
To ease my worries though he's booked me in for an ultra sound to check a bit more. I feel better about that, knowing there's going to be a more indepth look around.

Also had an appointment with the dental hygenist, otherwise known as the apprentice sadist. Since the actual sadist was just supervising her new trainee who took to the task with gusto. Drills, spikes, scrapers, probes and strong flavoured mint polish. He was very thorough and by the end of it my gums were a nice crimson red from the bleeding..but I do have very clean teeth.

My intradental braun brush heads on my fancy toothbrush...don't work. So need to get some dental sticks to clean between my teeth...trust me to believe the marketing hype!